BITWRATHPLOOB World Tour

Aloha, BITWRATHPLOOB!1
lizkover posted in Arrivals, Departures on February 18th, 2009

They had known for weeks that a surprise visitor was on “his” way.

Much to my friends’ dismay (and utter confusion), it was The Bitwrathploob.

The animals wondered if the Ploob was one of them…

He seemed to feel fine after his long flight from Boston, so we showed him around the pad and let him get a feel for how we do things around here.

With his rope arms “tied” behind his back, the Ploob jammed on Survivor’s “Eye of the Tiger”.

We were thrilled that he had come with his head intact, considering what we had read about it popping off rather easily. It wasn’t until about 30 minutes later that we realized he was missing his nose.

It just so happened that Chris was in the middle of reading “The Idiot’s Guide to Plastic Surgery on Freakish Inanimate Objects”, so we figured he was qualified to perform a quick nose job on the Ploob.

He whittled away on a small glob of wax, which he then impaled on the thin nail he had previously hammered into the Ploob’s nasal socket. While it sounds like it would be horrifically painful, apparently having no nerves cuts down dramatically on the sensation.

In no time, he was good as new. The only reason one would even be able to tell he had had work done was the fact that his old nose had been bright red, and his new one was a sophisticated white.

From that point on, it was non-stop Hawaiian fun and adventure for our pantsless friend…

Here he is standing in front of one of only two freshwater lakes on the whole Big Island. He didn’t want to swim, he said, because he worried about his hair getting frizzy. He was, however, fascinated by the rope swing (not pictured here). He said it looked just like a cousin of his.

He stood in the frozen path of molten lava that had coursed forth from the Kilauea volcano in 1881. This is Kaumana cave, located on the east side of the island, in Hilo.

Spelunking, anyone?

He soaked in some rays on the pristine lava rock beaches of the Kona coast.

He frightened the yellow tangs at Kahalu’u Beach Park.

He even took a tour of the Mauna Loa macadamia nut factory!

All in all, the Bitwrathploob enjoyed his vacation to the Islands of Paradise. And now is looking forward to getting back “on the road”.

Look for him soon in…[DESTINATION REDACTED FOR SHOCK VALUE]!

Boston0
skopacek posted in Arrivals on December 5th, 2008

The ‘Ploob arrived in Boston, smothered in bubble wrap

… and made a bagel in the toaster oven.

The land of 10,000 lakes (and one bucktoothed, rope-armed, troll-haired pantsless wood bear)5
andrea posted in Arrivals on August 15th, 2008

My husband handed me a slip of paper the other day: a package was waiting for me at the post office. “Who’s Simon Litton?” Brad asked me. Slowly, the gears in my brain began to move. “Oh no!” I grabbed the paper and stared at it in disbelief. “It can’t be. The BITWRATHPLOOB!? Why on earth would the BITWRATHPLOOB want to come to Minnesota?”

The suspense stretched out for a few days because the post office keeps inconvenient hours, but Wednesday morning I carved out the time to go and fetch my dubious prize.

Looking more than a little bit worse for the wear, I gingerly accepted the package from the postal lady. Was the ‘Ploob trying to escape his solitary confinement? Or was it something more sinister? I wonder what terrible fate nearly befell him en route to the American midwest. I was contemplating this as I left the post office, but quickly all thoughts of misdeeds were banished from my mind as a family of four deer – two adults and two babies – gamboled by just a few feet past me. Welcome, ‘Ploob. Nothing scary will happen to you in the land of Minnesota Nice.

That evening, I liberated the ‘Ploob from his mangled box and checked for signs of damage. Despite the mangled box, the ‘Ploob remains in good health. As good of health as he (it?) can be in, considering his propensity for dropping body parts and his lack of other body parts (who needs hands, right?). Brad hovered in dismayed curiosity. I had told him a bit about the ‘Ploob when I received my lovely “BITWRATHPLOOB is my homie” refrigerator magnet several months ago, but the full glory of the ‘Ploob may always remain an enigma.

“That’s truly horrifying,” was the first thing he uttered, after I screwed the ‘Ploob’s head back on and proudly displayed him for my spouse to behold. The cats were equally perturbed by the … thing … that had invaded their territory.

The BITWRATHPLOOB, looking mighty glad to be out of his cramped quarters, currently resides out of reach of feline fangs, way up on the highest bookshelf.

Brad and I are planning a few outings for the ‘Ploob in the next couple of weeks. For now, I like to think he’s telling the Buddha raucous travel stories and the Buddha is teaching him all about meditation. Something that ought to come in handy during his long, dark, traumatic spells in shipping containers.

Arrival in Belgium0
simon posted in Arrivals on June 3rd, 2008

Friday evening. I got home from work to find one of those “We tried to deliver a parcel while you were out” messages. The post office wouldn’t be open again until Monday morning.

Monday afternoon. My wife called to let me know that she’d picked up the parcel from the post office, and that it wasn’t what we’d been expecting, but rather a tube from New Zealand.

It could only be one thing. The tube contained a ‘Ploob.

 

Scissors in one hand, moving with caution and deliberation, my wife occasionally mopping my sweaty brow, I extricated the passenger from its cardboard container.

 

As Frédérique’s note explained, he’d had to be slightly mutilated (head, nose and one foot amputated) in order to fit comfortably into his Ploob-tube, but these popped back into place relatively painlessly (at least, I heard no yelps of pain), and he was whole once more.

 

After perusing his impressive collection of fridge magnets, we sat down and discussed his itinerary for the coming weeks. Had he arrived a few weeks earlier he could have accompanied us to Japan, but I’m sure he’ll get another chance to do that in the future. Who knows how long he’ll be circling the globe? The road never ends…

The Wood Bear Goes Kiwi0
erik posted in Arrivals on May 7th, 2008

After much anticipation and one more inter-continental postal jump, in early February the BITWRATHPLOOB finally made it to the land where people, birds and fruits all share the same name. A series of inter-NZ travels, a new job, a move between islands, and a dying computer are my excuses for the very, very late updates of the Ploob’s adventures. Things have settled, I apologise to the numerous fans of the little creature, and I begin this long overdue narrative.

The Ploob arrived in the best-wrapped parcel we’d seen in a long time, which might explain the meagre $1 it was insured for.

Fresh out of the box, the Ploob encountered the other creatures of the house and found himself (itself?) subjected to a thorough olfactory inspection.

Kloé the Labrador kept coming for more and we had to make sure the Ploob would stand well away from her reach – there’s something in that red hair she simply could not resist.

We introduced the Ploob to La P’tite Bête, a French…thing… also travelling the word, accompanied by my friends Virginien and Angélique. The Ploob had a laugh at their English-ified names – Virgin and Angel – but was quickly reminded its own name had to be filled out with vowels just to be pronounceable, and it really shouldn’t make fun of others.

The Ploob proved adaptable and seemed unfazed by the predominant use of French in our home and the reversal of seasons. Still, not wanting to leave it in completely new surroundings, we arranged for it to hang out with ‘friends’ met in the box-trip from China:

The next day we were off to see the wonders of Hamilton.

Shanghaied in China0
erik posted in Arrivals on January 29th, 2008

In late 2007, the BITWRATHPLOOB was sent to Shanghai, China, to visit the Orient and meet a few of the 1.3 billion residents. The host in China, Diesel Stumpy, has asked me to write this post on his behalf. All the photos are his.

The flight east was a little rough on the little guy, but luckily Stumpy is a world-renowned wood bear surgeon, and our fearsome traveler was back on his feet in no time.

His first visit was to an ancient Chinese temple.

This is very likely the best photograph of the BITWRATHPLOOB ever. Weird attracts weird, I guess.

Lighting candles in the temple.

When in China, do as the Chinese do….ride a bicycle.

The Chinese people were completely enchanted with the BITWRATHPLOOB. And quite a few of them met him (it?).

The BITWRATHPLOOB felt right at home amongst the items at this bizarre bazaar.

Then it was time for a little sightseeing…

Pearl Tower

View to the Bund from Pudong.

Participating in a candlelight vigil on the river. Candles were only issued to those vigil goers (vigilantes?) without rope arms.

Up close to the Pearl Tower.

The tallest buildings in Shanghai.

And there you have it, it’s time to pile into the car and head to the next destination!

Until next time!

BITWRATHPLOOB arrives in London0
hubbers posted in Arrivals on September 19th, 2007

BITWRATHPLOOB arrived in London safe in sound last week just in time to make the flight to Lyon to watch the All Blacks demolish Portugal 108 to 13. Sadly the little fella drank quite a few minis on the flight over and never made it out of the hotel all weekend. This weekend he is going to Glasgow and Edinburgh. We have had a long chat about responsible drinking and finishing off your own bodyweight in spirits from bottles that come up to your neck. I think he got the message.

With luck he will also get out and about to see the sights in London in the next two weeks.

Triumphant return to Europe’s shores9
erik posted in Arrivals on July 24th, 2007

As an admin for the Flickr group I wake up screaming, I was aware of the existence of the BITWRATHPLOOB (see ‘This thing makes me sad’ for his first-ever appearance on the internet). I even believed Jane’s threats to tuck him (it?) into a shipment of odds and ends I had asked her to send over to me in Slovenia. But the opening of the package still managed to shock and amaze.

“It isn’t here!” I shouted in disbelief. “What isn’t here?” my wife Magda wanted to know. “It isn’t here!” I howled in outrage. Taking delivery of the rather large box in which the BITWRATHPLOOB had crossed the Atlantic had been a sizable frig, entailing driving to the capital an hour away on a workday, waiting for half an hour for no apparent reason, signing papers and doling out euros all to collect a box which had clearly been opened for customs inspection. The thought of those Slovenian customs officers coming face to face with the BITWRATHPLOOB had provided almost enough entertainment to make up for the hassle. But now I leaped to the obvious conclusion: these corrupt postal officials had taken the BITWRATHPLOOB for pure, baffled spite. “They’ve stolen it!” I screamed, pawing through the bubble wrap and finding all the requested items, stuffed animals for our boys, Altoids for Magda, and all sorts of wonders minus the BITWRATHPLOOB. “STOLEN WHAT?” Magda demanded. Clearly I had not adequately prepared her for the BITWRATHPLOOB’s arrival. “The BITWRATHPLOOB! It’s not here!”

If you plan to fly into a rage about a missing BITWRATHPLOOB, allow me to recommend that you adequately prepare your spouse for the existence of the BITWRATHPLOOB in the first place, before you begin to talk about its absence.

“Is it that horrible thing Adam’s playing with?” Magda calmly inquired. Using his ninja skills, our two-year-old had managed to liberate the BITWRATHPLOOB from his transatlantic shipping container and was idly removing its head.

It was a great day for science.

“He’s broken it! Whatever, uh, whatever it is. What IS it?” Magda wanted to know.

“It’s the BITWRATHPLOOB,” I told her. “I mentioned this to you, didn’t I?”

“Uh, no.”

“Oh. Well. Anyway. He hasn’t broken it. Jane warned me that its head comes off.”

“Well, why did she send it? What is it for? And what is going on with its arms?” Magda was suddenly terribly inquisitive about the BITWRATHPLOOB. It was at that moment that I knew someone was going to have to write a FABQ.

The BITWRATHPLOOB straddles an international boundary: Italy (left) and Slovenia

“Here’s how it works,” I told my bride. “You get the BITWRATHPLOOB in the mail, you recoil in horror, take its picture, blah blah blah, you mail it to someone else. It’s going to CIRCLE THE GLOBE!” I invented. “Just so long as I don’t have to look at it for very long,” Magda said. “It’s horrible. What is it FOR? It has no purpose.” But I wasn’t listening. “Clearly it’s going to need its own Flickr group,” I was saying to no one in particular. “Or! A BLOG!“

Mr. BITWRATHPLOOB goes to Washington3
jagosaurus posted in Arrivals on July 20th, 2007

After the BITWRATHPLOOB finished terrorizing the mile high city, it was sent to the Washington, DC metro area because Marigoldie and Tina clearly hate me. I mean, why else do you bother to purchase and mail something from the magical part of any thrift store that Tina so correctly calls The Place They Put Things They Don’t Know Where To Put?

Eventually I recovered my wits from the reveal and Figaro used his kitty-fu to put BITWRATHPLOOB in its place (Abby ignored all of this with a placid demeanor that belied her sheer terror and bafflement). And then, in conversation with sgazzetti, it became apparently that BITWRATHPLOOB was going to have to keep on keeping on. But not before he had a chance to see the sites:

He seemed somewhat sad to go, and I … I kinda miss the little guy.

But not really.